Thursday, July 8, 2010

l.i.f.e.l.i.v.e.d

We live moment to moment hanging on to a dream that the happyness of days
gone by will return, that the fate of tomorrow will never come.

We live day by day tolerating the madness and insanity of what
we have come to know as reality, what we have come to accept as life.

We live hour by hour breathing in the hurt and bleeding out the pain, letting go of
the hopes and dreams of a world we once felt safe in.

We live night by night silent tears being our constant companion, remembering
what life was like when everything was ok, when we were okay.

We live moment by moment fighting for the the very next breath, the battle rages
as the weak become weaker and the strong become no more.

We live minute to minute the broken clock becoming a comfort to a life without meaning, silence surrounding the empty roads of yesterdays tomorrows.

We live today knowing that in time we will cease to be but the importance of loving and being loved won't ever change, even if we do.

We live breath to breath realizing that death is not just a victory but a stopping point, a place where all the madness ends, a place where the heart ceases to know pain.

We live. We love. We fade.
To you the silence may be deafening, to me, it's freedom.

{fre-e-dom}

A crying child, alone in the dark, curled into a ball.
Pushing away those closest, yet seeking help.
Close to breaking point, hope is lost. She is surrounded yet so alone.
People walk by shining light in her direction; she hides.
She enjoys the darkness. She hopes for light in the future,
yet fears letting go of the dark.

People attempt talking but forcefully she pushes them away and blocks them out with a wall she builds thicker over time, until they stop trying.
So much energy and effort thrown into saving what destroys her.
All she can do is cry. She wishes for a brighter future, she desires it so deeply.
But every time it is offered, she rejects it.

The darkness has been her friend for so long, it is the only friend she has left.
Through all the difficult times and troubles, darkness was there.
It destroys her, but it is who she is, it is so close to her, it is a part of her.
The darkness got her through everything, how can she just throw it away?

One brave person comes close to her,
he isn’t afraid of the darkness that binds her so tight.
He sees her as who she is; an afraid child crying in desperation to get out.
She sees him; it’s hard to look directly at him,
for he doesn’t carry the light like the others,
the light radiates from his very being; he is the light.
It is too bright for her eyes to adjust immediately.

The darkness cannot remain in light.
She tries to hold it close, to save her friend, but it flees once in sight of the light.She isn’t used to this light but she likes it.
In the light she is seeing the person she used to be, before darkness.
She tries to run after the darkness but not wanting to lose the light
and the person she is in the light.
But she cannot be with both.

She admires the man for trying so hard to save her from her darkness
when all others gave up, hopeless.
Yet she still misses her old companion for she doesn’t know what to do without him.
She runs and falls back into a hole where the darkness can live.
He welcomes her back, but he could not come and find her when she was with the light, he didn’t come running after her. Does he even care?
She descends deep to the darkness inside and out,
becoming the person she so longed to get rid of.

A crying child, alone in the dark, curled into a ball – just as before.
But this time she’s seen the light; She knows where she could be.
She knows what’s on the other side,
that there is a better place that she had previously longed for.
She’s fallen further than ever, she wants the man to come and save her like
before, but she’s afraid he has given up on her like everyone else.
Why would he take her back after she betrayed him when he was only good to her?

Her thoughts race, gathering memories, compiling it all; to see how the light only brought goodness in her life and the darkness only brought destruction.
Regretting her decisions, she collapses to the floor.
All her strength and effort spent on saving her enemy.
There is no hope left. Who could accept her, help her, or even love her?

But she desires that light more than anything and she knows she has to at least try asking him back but she doesn’t know how.
For the first time she approaches the people around her, she shouts for someone to help.

There are a lot of people in the darkness who don’t know the man.
They enjoy the darkness; they don’t want to get out.
Running out of strength, she’s close to giving up.
How could she have thought she could get him back?
She’s losing hope.

Lying on the ground she sees something, a glimpse of darkness disappearing.
Not as strong as before, but it is the same light in moderation.
She gathers enough strength to get up and see the person carrying light and she asks about this man, hoping the person knows of him since she has the same light.
She knows this is her last chance.

-~*~-

Finally, someone who knows.
The person explains all to her and introduces her to more people with light.
She is further from the darkness;
it calls her to come back, and she feels vulnerable without it,
but she knows she has to fight to stay away and get closer to the light.
And now she has the help from these torchbearers to fight with her
and help keep her from the darkness.

The more time she spends in the light, the more she learns about herself.
The light shows what the darkness hid.
She is happier, stronger, and hopeful yet still missing something.
She still hasn’t met the man who is light.

She asks the torchbearers and they tell her to simply ask.
She still fears rejection yet knowing she has to take a leap of faith.
Closing her eyes she kneels down and talks to the empty space in front of her,
hoping he is listening.

A comfort fills her heart and embraces her with an extent of love never felt before.
She opens her eyes to see a light so pure and bright.
He returned as if nothing had ever happened, as if she never left.
She loves that feeling and loves his presence; she can never leave that.

His gentle voice speaks “welcome back my beautiful child. I was waiting for you”,
His warm smile contagiously fills her face as they enjoy each other’s presence.
At last she feels welcome, loved, strong, hopeful, at home, far from darkness.

She is free.