Tuesday, February 17, 2009

God? I need you.

The words danced around on my tongue again, knocking against my teeth, trying to escape. But again, they were locked inside. Frustrated, they turned to wage war against my mind. This was nothing new…it was slowly becoming routine. As I drove home, questions ravaged my thoughts until finally, in the early hours of the morning, they came to the same answer they had the night before: now is not the time. Tears flooded my eyes as sadness began to creep in, leaving only one question: how long…? It was one I could not answer.

The next morning I awoke with my heart still in a fog. Throughout the day I tried to push the feelings aside, but little reminders waited around every corner, making it almost impossible to ignore them. I knew I couldn’t hold it in any longer, so I retreated to my bedroom as I fought back tears. Lord, why do I have to wait so long? Why can’t I know now? My heart was breaking as I buried my face in my hands and cried. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard.

Then I heard Him say....


My precious one. Have you realized that if you compiled every written word of love on this earth…it would fade greatly in comparison to the many series of books that the Lover of your soul has written about you? I have written your life to the tune of something beautiful. A song that no other ear has heard. A song that is being sung….only to you. Every note is falling in perfect harmony with my own composed melody. Have you heard it? The music is captivating. The notes are precise. The lyrics perfect. The melody unforgettable. Can you hear it?

Over time this amazing orchestration will resound with the tune of what I your Master composer call….your life. My heart’s cry for you my child is that you hear and know my written song for you, that you move to the rhythm of what I have destined you to be. Have you recognized my song that I have given you? Are you hearing it above every other competing melody that is falling upon your ear? I know that you have been distracted by the tune of other songs but take heed….it is not your own. There is a common thread that flows through every song that I have ever composed... And that would be the love in which I wrote it. My desire is that a beautiful orchestration would resound from the lives of those that I call my own. Listen, my child. The music has begun and it’s yours. The lyrics are yet to be completely written….it’s your time.


I have come to realize that the Lover of my soul has pursued me at times in the greatest of pursuit, to teach me awesome and new things and to grant me the desires of my heart. Also, sometimes in the greatest pain, at the knowledge that I have left Him and became consumed by things that were good, but not best. I know that He is what my heart needs…but not always what my heart wants. Time and time again I have crawled up into His lap and wept on His shoulder…feeling the pain of allowing my own song to sing words that He wrote, but to the wrong tune. As he gently wipes away the tears I feel His love compass my heart in a way I have never known. What love is this that heals, restores, and blesses? It is a love that knows no boundaries….a love that doesn’t fade…..a love that only He knows. Then He begins to sing. Wait? I have heard that somewhere before….haven’t I? Yes, it is the song that my life has thus far written. I can hardly believe it….it is more beautiful than I had ever imagined…..then it stops. My Lover looks me in the eyes and says ‘Go, my dear one. The rest has yet to be written. Do you think that the time spent in that key has caused a mistake? Know that I make everything new and the time spent there has only made your song stronger. Do not look back in shame…I know what lies behind you and it was all for a greater purpose. Know that. So go, and hear. Go and play out the notes that will make your song what I want it to be and remember….I love you.’

{‘Word of God speak’ by MercyMe}
I’m finding myself at a loss for words and the funny thing is… its okay. The last thing I need is to be heard… but to hear what you would say. Word of God speak. Would you pour down like rain and wash in my eyes to see…. your majesty. To be still and know…. that you’re in this place. Please let me stay and rest in…. your holiness. Word of God speak. I’m finding myself in the midst of you. Beyond the music…beyond the noise. All that I need is to be with you and in the quiet…..I hear your voice. . Word of God speak. Would you pour down like rain and wash in my eyes to see…. your majesty. To be still and know…. that you’re in this place. Please let me stay and rest in your holiness. Word of God speak.

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